Friday, December 12, 2014

Terms of Surrender

All of my cleverness fails me when you walk into the room. A touch of your hand or the ghost of a smile and all thoughts escape me save those of you. I struggle to write for you but the words are empty wind. I simply can not give voice to this great emotion that threatens to burst my heart.

I thought I could out run you. I thought I could flee. You always knew that I would return, like the hawk to the lure. For all the might that I could muster, I can not divide myself from my heart. Be it the one that beats and sets blood moving through my limbs or the one that harbors my emotions, I would be lifeless with out it. You knew that I would be compelled by that organ to return to you.

You stood there with your hand outstretched. To some, it would have been a gesture of release. I knew otherwise, however. Just as the falconer holds their wrist out for the hawk to alight, so did you extend your hand for me to grasp. And grasp it I did. I took hold of it and felt the world wheel away in that moment.

So it is, I stand here prisoner in the sweetest of bondage. My pride would have me fly from you. It would have me thrust aside these tender feelings and place a walled fortress about my heart. This, however, has already come to pass. For within that fortress, there stands you at my side, crowned king of all you survey.

While confusion and anxiety may threaten to cast darkness over my eyes, you illuminate me. When grief overwhelms me, your hand lifts my head above the waves of despair so that I might breathe. To say that I surrender to you seems to pale of a declaration.

It is, however, a surrender. I fought this. I shut my eyes against it and pushed away with all the force I could muster. I struggled and yet I found myself unable to resist you. So it is that I lay down my arms and barbs of sarcasm and bitter words. I remove my armor of detachment and put aside the helm of cynicism. I lay all this at your feet in homage.

Ever on shall I reside behind your shield-wall. Ever on shall I show that which is most tender, most wounded, and most vulnerable to you. No more shall I run. For where ever I have run, you have been there. Thus, I surrender and put up my weapons.

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